Smallhouse Log

The Sunday before Veteran's day

  1. Convenying: Disaffection
  2. Now Playing: Let It Happen - MxPx
  3. The Saying: "Don't stills explode if you don't tend them properly? *pause* We'll put it in Blake's closet." - Johnny K, 10/23
  4. When Praying: Stuff
  5. Betraying: Evil Paul

Wow, it's been a while. A lot has happened. Like, Halloween, and stuff. And an excursion to Wicker Park with beautiful girls. And a toga party. You know, the usual.

So where to begin? There's a lot, and I invariably forget it when I sit down in front of the keyboard. So then. Last night was Beth's big toga party. And I mean big. We had a hundred and then more people in her room. I saw then all go in, after, since I was the bouncer of sorts. Apparantly I did a good job. Oh, quoteable conversation:

Girl: "Hey, are you French?"
Ian: "No, I'm not."
Girl: "Oh, 'cause Srikant said you were French."
Ian: "Yeah, well, Srikant drinks a lot."

Yeah. Eric was also having his own little gathering over in our room with some friends. I went in to use our bathroom, and apparantly he didn't recognise me. He yelled at the door, "Hey! My bathroom is not the public bathroom!" The I heard him say "Get me my knife." Now, I knew that he had just gotten a machete that afternoon, and that was the knife to which he was referring. I fully expected him to be waiting, poised, with the machete, outside the bathroom door. In point of fact, he was. Fortunately, he recognised me. I find this terribly amusing, but it seems to scare everyone else on the floor.

I don't know how much more I feel like writing about at the moment. Gis la revido.

After the the Angels won the World Series

  1. Conveying: Uncertainty
  2. Now Playing: Songs From the Penalty Box (comp.), volume IV
  3. The Saying: "I can't even afford, like, regular shoes. I have to buy pointy ones." - Abbie, 10/14
  4. When Praying: All my floormates and friends in general
  5. Betraying: Zarya

So........ yeah. I seem to have reverted to the CU layout. But isn't it blame cool?

Yeah, I just felt like Smallhouse was too text-heavy and lacked, for lack of a better term at hand, 'replay value'. So here we are. Maybe I'll make a whole new layout, and, if so, this will be the interim. But I might keep it like this. Who knows, maybe I'll even finish it this time?

Two minutes until that extra hour

  1. Now Playing: "Dead Man Walking" - War Rocket Ajax
  2. The Saying: "She's the World Champion in Springfield." - Johnny K., 10/25
  3. Displaying: New poetry!
  4. When Praying: Thanks for the wonders of Ian getting his homework done before it's due!
  5. Betraying: Kat

I just put my headphones all the way on.... it was weird, since I've been listening non-stop for hours through only my right ear. I took it back off. Anyway, I had a dream. Then I woke up, and wrote this:

In the dream, the lounge was another room. We watched a movie. There was a girl, Margaret, sister of.... someone. Some other girl who was, in the dream, on our floor. I talked and flirted with Margaret quite a bit, and we wound up kissing later. It was soft, it was warm, it was gentle and sweet; it was beautiful. It was everything that I've been secretly longing for in physical touch with a girl.

It stopped eventually, of course. some very amused people interrupted us after no great time at all, but I didn't mind; the sweetness of her lips' touch on mine was all I could think about. I believe it was Lindsey and another girl who ran across us, which would make sense, as I believe Margaret was, in fact Lindsey's sister.

In the dream, that night, I thought very hard about what happened. I knew that at the end of Parents' Weekend, she would be leaving. I also knew that I had used her, and I wanted to apologise. Inside these reasons, I just wanted to talk to her again. I wanted to see her, even though I knew that it would be impossible, and foolish to try. So we talked.

She had also been thinking, and looking back, I know she felt the same way about me. In any case, our reason won out, and we both apologised. I touched her hand, and we parted company. I continued to dream, but she was no longer there. I woke up no great time after that, and then I wrote all of this.

This is the first time I've wanted to forget something beautiful.

But I don't want to forget. Not enough to throw out the memory. Obviously, or I wouldn't have written it down. Do I always lie to myself like that? Is it alright if I lie to myself? Let the analysation commence.

What caused this dream? Couldn't say, raight now. I notice certain elements in it, though. Such as the fact that 'Margaret' is the name of Amy's sister that's here for the weekend. But she doesn't look like the Margaret from the dream. Perhaps I projected that name onto her after I woke, while in the foggy state that I began writing in. Also, there's the theme of dating the friend's younger sister, perhaps influenced by Evil Paul's announcement about his new girlfriend Ursula (who is the younger sister of a friend). Ironically, it has since come to my attention that Fallers House actually does have a room where the other houses have lounges. Weird.

The really dynamic part of the dream was the kiss. It still surprises me. Where did it come from? Was it just, as I had written, the desire of physical female touch that introduced it? In any case, it was beautiful. So wonderful.... so.... I'd best get back in focus. I'm pretending the time change happens at five and going to bed in half an hour, no matter what these silly computer-clocks say. So. What follows the kiss is fairly predictable; my morals and pragmatism drive me to break off the relationship. I believe that, in the dream, I was aware of the fact that I'd just gotten out of a distance relationship, and didn't want that lonliness of seperation once again. Fortunately, she felt the same way, and no feelings were hurt. But.... why did the dream have such a positive ending? I can't say there's no reason for it, because there must be, or it wouldn't be so. But what could that reason be? Why didn't it end in pain, misery, and lonliness? (could it be because, even though my conscious mind thinks that these would be the appropriate response, my subconscious knows that it's a lie, and a happy ending is better for me? Maybe that a happy ending is really what I need?)

I think I need to go dream about that kiss now. Well, I'll index the new poetry, and then I'll dream. Ah, beauty....

Saturday

  1. Conveying: Happiness
  2. The Saying: "Don't call them 'Doctor', and don't give them nicknames like 'Spanky'." - Craig the RA, 10/21
  3. When Praying: Amanda; HS; Thanks that Soren can play soccer!

Urp! I had a dream, and I wrote it down to post and analyze, but I left it upstairs. Ah, well. I'll do that later.

Amanda told me last night that she has a new boyfriend. Has had for some time. I'm fine with that, he sounds like a cool Christian dude, but I'm a little hurt that she felt she couldn't tell me. I mean, I am still her friend. *sigh*

Incidentally, Anna happens to be here in the lab as well, despite not living in this building. And, apparantly, I'll see her at dinner as well.

But now I have posters to hang up, advertising the SOS Haunted House. They're shiny. I think I'll ask Beth's advice on whether to go to the Formal (and who to go with) then. For now, I have a contest entry to work on. Farewell!

Friday

  1. Conveying: Sullenness
  2. Now Playing: "Hammer of God" - Mortification
  3. The Saying: "I need to get an inflatable Jesus." -Johnny K., 10/15
  4. Displaying: Youthtopia - a webcomic
  5. When Praying: Thanks that I passed my midterms; Amanda; My dad - he's ill
  6. Betraying: Amanda

School is.... well, pretty good. I'm kind of depressed raight now (well, I guess more sullen than depressed). It's just not cool to see most of my friends getting plastered, and the whole floor smells like beer, so I've been hanging out in the lab for over an hour and a half now, reading webcomics and ignoring my CS homework. I can afford to do that, since it's not due until Monday and I'm a good chunk done, so LEAVE OUT THE GUILT TRIP.

My Dad couldn't come up for Parents' Weekend because he quite foolishly bought some pre-packaged egg salad from a gas station, and we all know knows what that means. So he just turned around and went to be food-poisoned at home. It's knid of for the best; there wasn't any place for him to sleep here, anyway. I wanted my tuxedo shoes, though.

I spent a lot of time with Anna today. I helped her patch her pants, and we read poetry and talked. I ate dessert with her at BJ, and we walked over to IV together. After IV, we went to Lindsey Lester's and played Mafia.

I think she knows I like her.

I wonder if she'd like to go to the Fall Formal. Shoot, I wonder if I'm going to the fall formal. I don't after all, have any tuxedo shoes....

Tuesday

  1. Conveying: Happiness
  2. The Saying: "Oh my gosh, it's a torpedo!" - Craig the RA, 10/08
  3. When Praying: My finger; Midterms
  4. Betraying: "Evil Paul" Cuselos

I had my first experience with a co-ed bathroom the other day. It was kind of creepy. I mean, I knew they existed, but I'd never seen one. Now I have. Yeah.

I jammed my left index finger yesterday trying to do a handstand. Apparantly, I'm way too bottom-heavy. That, and I have weak little T-Rex arms. Bah.

the Monday after that

  1. Conveying: Relaxation
  2. Now Playing: "Love Can Do That to You" - Davenport
  3. The Saying: "We can be loners together. All three of us." - Corie Mills, 10/15
  4. When Praying: Everyone; Sara Sanford's family; my Japanese midterm, in that I do well on it
  5. Betraying: Peta

I come in the door tonight, and ask if anyone's home. Igy answers from the kitchen. The irony here is that Igy is not one of my roommates. He just uses our kitchen a lot. He cleans it, too, so no one begrudges it. The really funny thing is that, about a minute later, the phone rang. It was for him.

CLR and Euphony (the two rival literary publications on campus) have their meetings at the same time. I wonder if it's intentional. In any case, it's annoying, since I'm currently on the editorial board of both. Bah.

The retreat this past weekend was a lot of fun. When I got back, we went out to the FlatTop Grill for Beth's birthday. Man, that place was awesome. It's all-you-can-eat stir fry, and you get to pick out all the vegetables and meats and sauces yourself. I'll see if I can get Dad to take me there for Parent's Weekend. Score.