Smallhouse Log

Wait, I thought today had been Monday.... oh, that was this morning!

Conveying: Late night
The Saying: "Have you ever tried to balance Freid on your head?" -unknown, pd (I forgot, alright?)
When Praying: That Ian gets everything straightened out

I forgot to mention in my post this morning that I'm giving up drinking. Not just for Lent, but for a good long while. Namely, until I turn twenty-one. I decided this for many reasons, but in large part because it was pointed out to me (by Amanda, who apparantly still loves me dearly and takes an interest in my affairs) that it is illegal for me to purchase and consume, on my own, alchohol at my current age. Though I am not morally opposed to drinking -in moderation, por supuesto- I am morally opposed to breaking the law. So. Lucky for me, Beth is also going to stop buying alcohol, so we'll both be sober together, which is fun indeed.

Dinesh got a turntable. I will retrieve my vinyls over spring break.

In the next week, I will be organizing my life. I know I'll have to make cutbacks. I know that I probably won't have time for ZZT, and that I definitely won't have time for chat. SOS, I think I'll take a break from anything major, and just help out at events. IVCF, I mean to go more. I'd like to try to get back into SCA. I'd like to be more involved in the Folklore Society. Euphony will probably stay as it is. I'd really like to get into the Hyde Park music scene a lot deeper; they're nice people. I'd also like to keep THIS, be it Smallhouse, CU, or something else, up, intact, and active. Who knows? All of that is secondary to the real work, the spiritual work, that takes first priority. But that's not so much anyone's business.

Speaking of business, I actually got flirted with at Fred's tonight. There's this girl, Sarah, who's a first year and has bright orange hair. On the days I work, she's always up until about the time I get off, so she buys something almost every night. Tonight, we talked/flirted/polished pennies for a while. I'm not sure what to make of it. She's pretty, to be sure, but she also smokes. Not sure how I feel about that.

Or am I? I know I don't want to smoke myself. Yesterday-ish I took a vow never to smoke again. Again meaning, of course, that both times I've gotten drunk, I've smoked. That's essentially the measure of how drunk I am; whether I'm willing/wanting to smoke. This is another reason I'm not going to drink for a while. I decided to make that vow partly to combat my fears that without it, I would start smoking. I don't have anything against people that smoke, but it's not something I want to do, because it's something I could see myself getting addicted to. I doubt I'd ever become an alcoholic; I don't like the stuff, or its effects, enough for that. Nor do I think I'd get hooked on gambling, since I've gambled a fair bit in my past and felt no need to keep playing against reason (ie, to attemp to win back money already lost, to take unwarranted risks, to gamble in order to win money, to gamble with money I don't have). In fact, I've typically avoided all of those nearly by habit. But smoking.... there's an undeniable appeal to holding something burning in one's mouth. Add to that my general disregard for my own well-being and my fondness of fire and smoke in general, and it's dangerous. The cap of the trouble is, of course, that I no longer find tobacco smoke inherantly unpleasant. If it were not for that, it wouldn't be an issue. Every time I would see a groupof smokers, I would feel a longing, and think back to Aaron's adamant warning against smoking, and how eventually you'll need it just to feel normal. It scares me.

Fortunately, I have several friends who are more than willing to slap cigarrettes out of my hand if they see me with one. Lucky me!

payday

Conveying: Good humour
Now Playing: "Hey Now, Girl" - Phantom Planet
The Saying: "Me, I just like using french fries as toothpicks." - Aaron Kurtz, 01/27/03
When Praying: That Amanda's fears would be calmed, and also that her fears will not have base

I write this from Fred's.

I just served a customer, and have completely forgotten why I was posting.

Monday of First Week

Portraying: 58% of Home
Conveying: Happiness?
Now Playing: "Hell Below, Stars Above" - The Toadies
The Saying: "Texas, the land of God." - Some dude at the Euphony meeting, pd
When Praying: Myself

What to eat for breakfast, twinkies, ho-hos, or ding-dongs?

Mmmm, college. At least it's not another meal consisting entirely of pop tarts and water.

So, the Battle of the Bands went well. Maybe I should write about it sometime. I dunno. I check my email fanatically, but I feel myself, as an online entitiy, dying. Unfortunately, so many other aspects of me are already in a battle for their survival at this college.

I've got some choices to make about what's important to me. I've made a few already. What am I becoming? And when did I lose so much of the ability I had just a few months ago? It is surely not the effects of becoming a man, since those changes already happened. This is not natural. I've got to fight it with all of my will.

And start excercising. I'm becoming chubby, but I can't quite figure out why....

St. Valentine's Day

Portraying: I hate you, Bagel of Death
Conveying: Placidity
Now Playing: "This Hallmark Moment" - Names Without Numbers
When Praying: Battle of the Bands; that Ian gets his homework done

I was mostly posting to note how fitting the song I was listening to was.

doyoubi

Portraying: "California, here we come."
Conveying: Happiness
Now Playing: The Guest - Phantom Planet
Betraying: Karla

Today, I come back from brunch and check my mail, and I find a letter and not one, but two, two package slips in my pigeonhole. The letter is from the Underground -tax stuff, apparantly. One package was from home, which I was expecting, and the other was this CD, which I'd not anticipated for another few days. Rock.

I dun feel like posting the results of our experiment raight now, so I'll just head out, yassa?

despues

Conveying: A closer position to sobriety
Now Playing: "Alice's Resturant" - Arlo Guthrie
The Saying: "Shrink, I wanna kill." - 'Alice's Resturant', Arlo Guthrie

Well, while getting up to get a drink of water, I cut my foot open on who knows what that was on the floor. Alex was kind enough to patch it up for me, but not until after I'd left a track of blood leading to the bathroom and a whole lot of blood therein.

I wonder if I'm sober enough to play Civ II? This post was pretty much unnecessary.

ato kinyoubi

Portraying: Emilio Dealio
Conveying: Drunken attempts at sobriety
Now Playing: "Keep Fishin'" - Weezer
The Saying: "I feel like if I met him, I would know him." - Igy, 01/23
When Praying: For a safe tomorrow; that I finish (hee!) the budget proposal by Monday

I have had seven shots of vodka, one every ten minutes, all for the sake of science. Kind of. The theory -I dunna remember whose- goes that the manners in which you act both when sober and when intoxicated are the waysyou truly are. Since I've never been truly drunk before, I was to be the subject of the experiment. I'm impressed that I have so little difficulty in typing these paragraphs, and by the fact that I have not, despite my drunken state, used profane or vulgar language, reverted tothe lisp of my childhood, or been lecherous, violent, or overly informative. All in all, my inhibitions have been neatly sustained.

I doubt that my parents would be pleased to read this. Nor would Lisa, or many of my other friends. Let them be assured that I never intend to become this intoxicated again. I just don't enjoy it. I may casually drink just a little now and then, but not enough to become more than slightly tipsy. Restraint, in this case, is common sense, since I dunna really enjoy being this drunk.

I wanted to write Z an email, but the internet isn't working at the moment. I hope I dunna accidentally erase this post.

"Once upon a time, I was falling in love; now I'm only falling apart. There's nothing I can do; it's a total eclipse of the heart."