Feeds:Two minutes until that extra hour
- Now Playing: "Dead Man Walking" - War Rocket Ajax
- The Saying: "She's the World Champion in Springfield." - Johnny K., 10/25
- Displaying: New poetry!
- When Praying: Thanks for the wonders of Ian getting his homework done before it's due!
- Betraying: Kat
I just put my headphones all the way on.... it was weird, since I've been listening non-stop for hours through only my right ear. I took it back off. Anyway, I had a dream. Then I woke up, and wrote this:
In the dream, the lounge was another room. We watched a movie. There was a girl, Margaret, sister of.... someone. Some other girl who was, in the dream, on our floor. I talked and flirted with Margaret quite a bit, and we wound up kissing later. It was soft, it was warm, it was gentle and sweet; it was beautiful. It was everything that I've been secretly longing for in physical touch with a girl.
It stopped eventually, of course. some very amused people interrupted us after no great time at all, but I didn't mind; the sweetness of her lips' touch on mine was all I could think about. I believe it was Lindsey and another girl who ran across us, which would make sense, as I believe Margaret was, in fact Lindsey's sister.
In the dream, that night, I thought very hard about what happened. I knew that at the end of Parents' Weekend, she would be leaving. I also knew that I had used her, and I wanted to apologise. Inside these reasons, I just wanted to talk to her again. I wanted to see her, even though I knew that it would be impossible, and foolish to try. So we talked.
She had also been thinking, and looking back, I know she felt the same way about me. In any case, our reason won out, and we both apologised. I touched her hand, and we parted company. I continued to dream, but she was no longer there. I woke up no great time after that, and then I wrote all of this.
This is the first time I've wanted to forget something beautiful.
But I don't want to forget. Not enough to throw out the memory. Obviously, or I wouldn't have written it down. Do I always lie to myself like that? Is it alright if I lie to myself? Let the analysation commence.
What caused this dream? Couldn't say, raight now. I notice certain elements in it, though. Such as the fact that 'Margaret' is the name of Amy's sister that's here for the weekend. But she doesn't look like the Margaret from the dream. Perhaps I projected that name onto her after I woke, while in the foggy state that I began writing in. Also, there's the theme of dating the friend's younger sister, perhaps influenced by Evil Paul's announcement about his new girlfriend Ursula (who is the younger sister of a friend). Ironically, it has since come to my attention that Fallers House actually does have a room where the other houses have lounges. Weird.
The really dynamic part of the dream was the kiss. It still surprises me. Where did it come from? Was it just, as I had written, the desire of physical female touch that introduced it? In any case, it was beautiful. So wonderful.... so.... I'd best get back in focus. I'm pretending the time change happens at five and going to bed in half an hour, no matter what these silly computer-clocks say. So. What follows the kiss is fairly predictable; my morals and pragmatism drive me to break off the relationship. I believe that, in the dream, I was aware of the fact that I'd just gotten out of a distance relationship, and didn't want that lonliness of seperation once again. Fortunately, she felt the same way, and no feelings were hurt. But.... why did the dream have such a positive ending? I can't say there's no reason for it, because there must be, or it wouldn't be so. But what could that reason be? Why didn't it end in pain, misery, and lonliness? (could it be because, even though my conscious mind thinks that these would be the appropriate response, my subconscious knows that it's a lie, and a happy ending is better for me? Maybe that a happy ending is really what I need?)
I think I need to go dream about that kiss now. Well, I'll index the new poetry, and then I'll dream. Ah, beauty....
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