Smallhouse Log

payday Tuesday

Conveying: Confusion
Now Playing: "All for You" - Sister Hazel
The Saying: "Look, it's the shirt ninja!" - Some guy at LifeLight, 09/01
Displaying: Chub Chub Shirts
When Praying: Amanda - just 'cause; Mandy from work - it's her birthday; Karla - her birthday is coming up; and Lisa - because she probably won't read this and can't get mad at me
Betraying: Well, I was talking to Kat, but she just signed off

So, as some of you ("Some of who?" "Shut up!") may have noticed, I haven't yet redone the Smallhouse layout.

Yeah.

So, anyways, whatever. But I might very well link some more of those zany conversations for ya'll soon. Not now. Now I can't even remember what I wanted to post about. it's coming back in bits and pieces, but it's not terribly coherent. Bradlee Dean has atrocious grammer, is one bit. Something Amanda said the other day has been bugging me, too. I'm not going to say what it is, because I'm [hoping? assuming?] that it's not important, and we'll steam it over or whatever when I call her later on tonight.

But forget that old post jazz. New introspection is streaming.... hold up, first I have to gripe about one of the new hirees at work. She was really pissing me off today. At first I thought maybe it was just because I might have been grumpy, but I was talking to trinity, and he didn't think it was that. This [girl? woman?] is seriously grating. Today was her first day, and she acted like she had been there for years. Except, of course, that despite her attitude, she knew jack about what she was doing and assumed I'd just cover everything for her. I mean, sure, you're new, I can run the fryer and backline if the need arises, but it'd help if you at least tried to learn what was happening, tried to warn me when I needed to drop something in the fryer, and tried to find something productive to do instead of chewing me out when you don't even know what in the name of all that is jelly donuts it is that I'm doing.

Now that I've gotten that out of my system, today I worked with Andy, who's been working during the school year at Arby's for over a year. I knew I knew him already -I had assumed through concerts, and maybe that's still also true- but I didn't realize it was through Boy Scouts, which was cool. It was a slow day, so we took it easy and talked about scouting and college and changes at the resteraunt. I forgot to ask him if he has a brother or cousin that lives in Watertown -Oh, yeah, and I saw the cool guy (from Watertown, that looks like Andy) at LifeLight, which was cool, since I'd invited him at Godstock to come down to Sioux Falls. While discussing LifeLight, I should probably mention that the above comment is about me, since to avoid further sunburn I had my face covered by a green shirt and green bandana (the same ones my online representation can been seen wearing in Smallhouse's Great Hall, in fact) and did, as I was informed by many people, look a whole lot like a ninja. Cool, or whatever, neh?

Man, I lost track of that introspection now. Ah, well, I'll survive. I've got Sister Hazel to listen to, after all. They fill that rap-music-shaped-hole in my life. Yes, I know that they're not a rap group. That's not the point. Good night.

Monday

Conveying: Relaxation
Now Playing: "When Kempo Strikes" - Red Cloud
The Saying: "The best way to show your brothers and sisters that you love them is with Kung-Fu." - Red Cloud, 09/01
When Praying: Amanda, and her ministry in the UP, and that she feels better soon; kat, because she's also not feeling well; Ian, because he's got a lot of work to do.
Betraying: (on the phone) Amanda

It's hard to write a post while conversing with someone audially. Hold up, I'll get back to this in a bit.

And I'm back, because Amanda is going to go to bed now because she's not feeling well. *frown*

What was I posting about? Yeah, stuff from the past few days. Well, a girl came into Arby's the other day that looked like a cross between Rikka Beauchampe and Jennie Bancks, which I found odd. I just don't think of people like that coming into a place like Arby's. I didn't go in there when I didn't work there. It's just.... yeah, it's not so.... yeah. I don't really expect many people to understand that bit there. More people that come in while I'm working: Amber Frankman and Krista.... well, I don't remember Krista's last name. I didn't even know that those two knew each other. Those girls are two of the three or four people I know that I wouldn't want to spend any time alone with. They're just.... guy-hungry. And not terribly moral (or terribly bright). And, frankly, not very nice, either. Enough griping about that. Time to gripe about work.

And.... I forgot most of my work-related rants. The one I remember is about how I don't like working for money. This is the first time in my life I've ever worked for money, and you know what? It really sucks. A lot. I don't like the work, I don't like the hours, and I really don't like the reason why I'm doing it. I'm doing it for the money, so I can afford college. It's not worthwhile work, even though it is work towards a worthwile goal (college, rememeber?). I wouldn't be doing this if I thought I could get another job. It's work that does not need to be done. The fact that it's there to be done, and that people will pay me money to do it, doesn't change the fact that it isn't worth doing. Nobody should need to do what I am doing at Arby's. I'm doing it so I can go to college, but if I could go back, I wouldn't be doing this. I'd do something else. Something worthwhile, hopefully.

LifeLight yesterday was cool. Lots of good bands. I lost both my shoes in the Sidewalk Slam mosh pit, and my toe got smashed. I went body surfing or the first time ever. It was cool, yo. I was rather disapointed that from the Thousand Foot Krutch set onward, there wasn't any mosh pit because everyone was bodysurfing. It seemed like a full half of the people who went up asked me to lift them, probably because I'll tall. And you know what? it seemed like most of the people surfing would, at one point or another, land on my head. Also, probably, because I'm tall. And they'd grab my hair, which was probably just instinct. But other than that bit, it was cool. Played soem good hack. Played hack with some ex-hippies, which was pretty interesting. Yeah, interesting.... that's the word I'll use.

My opinion of Sidewalk Slam also went even further up. I know that's hard to believe, since they were already at a high level, but it happened. It was partly becasue I've yet to fail to lose a shoe in a Sidewalk Slam mosh pit, partly because they invited Dylan to sing with them.... again, and partly because the bassist recognised me, let me name my own price on a CD, and gave me for free a sticker and a pin that I was fully preared to pay the (rather high) price for. Those guys are the coolest, I swear. Dude! The singer from passing Thru recognised me, too, and he hasn't seen me since last November. Of course, at that show, Dylan and I rocked really hard.... and we were the only ones rocking, and right down in front. Life is good with the hook-ups.

But enough of how Ian's life is wonderful. Ian actually has a lot of work to do on his life. I listened to this speaker the other day, see. I don't often do that, since they usually tell me things I already knew. But this guy, Bradlee Dean, he was good. He dissed majorly on a lot of stuff people use to keep comfortable -things I use to keep comfortable. His talk was a lot about how faith without the Law is hollow, which I knew academically, but hadn't really focussed on before. And he talked about how the lives of the people the Lord chooses don't get better -they get worse, a lot worse. God is harsh and demanding. Yes, God loves us, but God also detests, cannot stand, sin. To summarise some of his points: The youth of today, especially the Christian youth, are being patronized. If Jesus was such a nice guy like we're told he was, why did they crucify him? Life is fleeting, and one could go at any moment. Everything you do is by choice. And, basically, now I've got a lot of thinking to do. Amanda and I had a long talk last night, too, about similar stuff (plus our relationship and how we kind of screwed it up from the start), and now she's got a new determination to do God's will with her life, and so do I. The difference is that she knows what she needs to do, but not with waht tools, and i know what tools I have to use, but not what I'm going to be doing with them. The first thing, though, is that I have to buckle down and accept responsibility -for myself, for the gifts I've been given and have been asking for, and for the path I'm to walk. the thing is, I've been stagnating lately, staying comfortable, refusing to take the tools I've been given, or even the ones I've expressly asked for, because I know that if I do, it will lead to pain and hurting. How can I be so weak? The first fight I need to fight is internal; the first one to fall by my sword must be myself.

It came up in conversation today that constant hapiness is a symptom of unhealth.

Saturday

Portraying: Hello, agonist
Conveying: Sunburn
Now Playing: "Sunsets and Car Crashes" - The Spill Canvas
The Saying: "I like skunk music!" - some guy at Godstock, 08/02
Displaying: oopy.com
When Praying: Amanda, since she's started classes; Ian, as he takes a good look at where he is and what God wants of him
Betraying: Kat

I will never cease to be amused by the sight of short-haired people trying to headbang.

Well, LifeLight was awesome today. I got stuck running the Nodes merchandise table during the first part of their set; it was fun, but I had wanted to be watching them, since I won't see them play again before I [deport?]. Parker invited me to stay at their house anytime I come back for a visit. Heh. Seeing him and Karly together makes me wish I had that raight now. Not Karly, but the [ability?] to just sit and enjoy time with my girlfriend, taking in a concert, or a movie, or just talking. I miss her, you know. But this seperation is either going to strengthen our relationship, or reveal it to never have been true in the first place. I hope -and pray, actually- that it's the former; I'd hate to think that I was just using her, or was tricking myself because I was lacking the love of a girl. I'd hate to learn that every time I said "I love you" I was almost lying. I realize this is kind of heavy stuff, and you can stop reading now if you want, unless you're Amanda, who has to at least read the next sentence. Amanda, since I hope you're still reading, I do love you, as far as I know; if I don't then why does the thought of not loving you nearly break my heart? (This is what this thing is for, really. Introspection through writing. This will continue to be a fairly heavy entry.)

Does a corrallary partially rooted in fallacy necessarily have to be false? I'll finish (heh) this later, because HS just showed up and we're going to go do stuff.